You know... there are days that you just know, from the moment you open your eyes and breathe, is the perfect beginning of a bad bad day.

Well today was it. If i can say, it sucked bad. I super hated the feeling of it.

I said the wrong things, did the wrong things and i basically have a word in my mind. FAIL.
So i tried making up for it and tried to get myself back together.

I guess God can use a person who has a listening ear, is honest, has God-given wisdom, gives great advises, thinks positive and doesnt judge, can change things. like now i know la! thanks so much..

So i just shared and said what i felt and cleared things up. Thank God and Thank God for you, friend.

today i thought of these

i wonder who my real friends are
why do i feel that im not likable
why is it that when i try it goes to waste

i dont like it now.

very few people bother asking.
i hope that it'll change soon enough...

i feel overwhelmed. i often feel like i'm not up to it or at least like i'm always procrastinating..

know i've got to start doing something somewhere. Just feel like there's alot of stuffs in my life now and i need to prioritise. also thank God that i was woken up and had a new revelation of who god is to me and how god has been doing in my life. it's like a new season with new challenges that i have to face..

i am grateful, humbled and i am learning how to desire god more.

everyday eat kinder bueno! woohoo. best chocolate wafer in the world...


ok la so lately i've finally had my go at photography.. i mean like long ago i've always wanted to do photography. i just dont have a proper camera to do so. handphone cameras just wont do la.. you know what i mean? haha

so yes. i've gotten my dad's SLR camera that he loved like his baby to use.. i got it serviced and i went to take some shots with jiajun :)

so i guess it's going to by my thing from now till i pass on or God returns. whichever happens first. thanks honey. you've been a great girlfriend and you are a great support! i love you.


here's where you can view my pictures - www.flickr.com/greenwhitestripes

There is this person whom i met during my service to the nation. its strange as the person just didn't react the same way. sure this person is very human, with temper and all, but this person has something that taught me and changed me. in a good way of course..

so this person, on the first day when we met, greeted me and gave me a warm welcome.. shook my hands and smiled at me. i still remember clearly when this person said, dont worry.. you'll know that things are very different here and we are very nice people.

at that point i didnt believe of course. as usual.... we humans just like to test things out.

after a few days past.. i began to realise i'm indeed quite lucky, being in that place under this person's charge.. i began working hard for this person, helping this person in everything, learning from this person how to analyse situations and having a goal and solution to things we face.

as time passed by, this person began asking about my family, my life, my relationships and myself... it's different when people just ask you to do things and never had the intention of building a relationship or bond. although this person is much more senior than me, i was treated like a son, a junior. this person would rebuke me and scold me if i didnt behave gentlemanly... this person would say, "cannot! how can you treat your girlfriend this way?"

this person always spared a thought for my well being, my thoughts and my feelings. i have a girlfriend and this person understood the ability of how the relation with esther can affect my mood and emotions. i was always in favor and blessed. i was given time off, day offs and even chances to go off at 12pm from camp on weekdays. ?????? what the??? right? haha..

we worked hard, worked late and worked together importantly.

i learnt the most out of this few weeks, although i dont do much. i learnt the importance of love and relationships. of bonds. i learnt how to be a good boyfriend, a good husband to be.

this person is a good husband, a good father and a good man.

He is not a Christian, sadly. But here is someone who knew the virtues of living, and someone who succeeded in being human and bigger than life in an organisation like this. i thank him, i am blessed by him.

His name is Maran.






alright.. so the story ends..

haha my week is not bad la. this week do nothing much watch dvd.. cock up la RP.. i learn nothing. most of the time.. haha.. and thanks sweetheart. its almost a year and i'm so excited. and im so glad. its going strong and though its never smooth, its the process of shaping.

i love you honey. always.. <3

this moment seem so long,
dont waste your precious time.

its another day, where you seem to find yourself on the bad side of people's perception.

squeezed so tightly, this moment seem so long.
dont waste your precious time.

its not that i do not have defence. i just am tired..

move down to me if you want to, let me slip into you.


ok la, truthfully.... today is like a winding road. taking me to places where i didn't want to go..
its like juggling a ball and playing drums at the same time. you try your best but you don't succeed..

poised.. towards a picture. i cannot be paralyzed.. i can still move. i can still pick up where i left off. i'm only human.

the reasons for these seasons.

well, here we are again.. i think its not right that we face crap all the time. i think its not right that we dont face it at all too.

but how come? i kept asking why why why. i dont hear any replies. i dont... i asked. i discussed. i dont get any replies. i dont..
thats ok la.. i thought to myself. thats alright.

people began doubting me, people dont belief me.

its ok if they are strangers. but i realised it hurts the most when they are your family.

it hurts even more, when you tried so hard. but it just wont work. it hasnt.. thats sucks.. alot.

love doesnt require anything in return. love is free.
love is not a form of insane games to play with
love has no grudges and no ill intentions.
love is a choice, freedom to choose
love is not selfish and not bliss
love has no condemnation
love is Jesus Christ
i love you, dear.

yours always,
xiang xiang